Hey :)

Havnt posted in awhile lml but my life has been great so far I've done a lot of exploring this summer and really tried to get a grip on my life. I got a job now and making money for school and any other bullshit I want. I'm planning on movin out in a couple months with my brother which is a big step. I finish high school this year which is GREAT! I'm said to be out of the top 10 in my class lml, it pays off to be a geek. I'm just living my life as much as I can at this point and I hope everyone does the same. 

Why Did This Happen?

We Could of been something great
Why'd you throw it all away?
We could of had it all
Now my backs against the wall

I gave you all of me
But the truth you couldn't see
You were oblivious to Ur mistakes
Though I warned u everyday

All the times you could have stayed
But your past came to play
I still love you till this day
And that is hard to say

You were the torch
I was the lighter
You were the gloves
I was the fighter

We had eachothers backs
You gave my world a new purpose
We've been through this before
I just hoped it would hurt less

You don't recognize Ur faults
You just fall in the same pattern
So I just ride my bumpy roads
Because what I want doesn't matter

Tell Me Your Dreams

Well I Have Come To The Discovery that people actually view my blog lml. I never thought people can view this. Well since people are actually viewing it, I want my viewers to talk to me. Tell Mii your dreams, what do you want to do as a career. Everyone is able to comment Lml

My Love Story;

I'll Admit It Yeah I Miss Her, That Was My First True Love, But Shit Happens And You Just Gotta Live With It. Not Everything Comes Out The Way U Want It To. Would We Be Together In The Future? Who Knows, But I Learned Alot About Maturing During Tht Time. I Was Pushed To Limits I Didn't Believe I Could Reach, I Cared To A Point Where I Thought To Myself "I Have Never Cared About ANYTHING This Much". I Gave My ALL. The Way I Was With Her I Would Never Be With Another Female. We Talked Every Single Day From One Morning To The Next. School Days/Holidays/Weekends You Name It We Would Just Talk ALL Day Lml. I remember a time when we were alone in her house and i hugged her and looked at her and before i can say it, she said those words "i love you" and it made me feel wanted. There was a time when i was sick and throwing up in the morning and i wasnt gonna go to school but it was our 8 month anniversary so i went to school feeling like shit because i just wanted to see her. We use to talk about how our life would be in the future and how we would have a baby named Jaylin Conde and love it SOOOO Much. We talked about marriage and how she wanted me to be her first and i only ever saw myself being married to HER. i saw my whole life with her and i have NEVER seen tht in another girl. I was so.sure my life was gonna be with her and we would be happy together. I planned on purposing to her senior year of high school in a way i wont mention here. She was literally my EVERYTHING, she was my Queen, My Princess, My Baby, My Bambi, My Jaylin, My Owl lml. We talked about everything and i trusted her with my secrets. But Now We Dnt Even Say Two Words To Eachother :/. We ended for many reasons and i still cant wrap my head around it but i know i dnt like the way i ended up feeling. Life Sucks But You Live With It. I Don't Know My Future With Her But I'll Never Forget My Past.

So Much I Want To Say, but i dnt know how to say it. The end of each thing is the same outcome. I'm a friend.........a FRIEND but why can't i help but to want to be something much more than that. I stopped trying because each time i try is a fail. Our once funny phone conversations turn into this...........silence. the silence.kills me.because i just want to reach out to her and tell her again nd again how i feel but it won't matter. You're a friend Joel and that's all you will ever be from now on. Get it through ur head and stop playing this silly game of cat and mouse with ur heart. She doesn't want YOU anymore, not like that anyway. But you love her, and always will.

Lost

Idk how she feels anymore :/ it sucks but fck it its life. She has a crush, i'm happy for her. She might think im being a dick cuz we barely talk but its cuz i want her to be happy. If she is happy while talking to her bestfriend about a crush she has then so be it, i will fade into the background.

Late Night Calls :)

When that smile crosses your face just like it use to where u are smiling from ear to ear. That's the best feeling ever to know she actually cares and really loves you. Love is a powerful thing. It can be great and terrible at the same time but when u love strong enough your love won't break. I smile now because of love but i have also cried and felt pain because of love but to mii it will forever remain beautiful because my love is beautiful she is the most beautiful thing in the world :)

When you love something they say let it go, but what if u can't what ifevery  letting go is too damn hard? What if you dnt want to? I love someone with everyt fiber of my being and im holding on to every single thing i can because she is what i want forever.

Judgment

I won't be judged on this because of who i am because this is me. This is my blog and i write whatever comes to mind because sometimes i need to let my thoughts be heard. Yeah no one knows i have this blog but to be able to write down my feelings and thoughts without judgement is a good thing because sometimes judgement affects the way a person thinks. Don't judge anyone until u have walked in their shoes. If u have never been in the situation a person is in at the moment of ur judging you have NO right to sit there and act superior to another human being as if u have never made a mistake in your life. Everyone will make a mistake and it's okay. What matters is how u try to fix ur mistakes and learn from them. So don't go around judging others, take a good look at urself before u make judgment because that SMUT could of been raped and that's probably what caused her to be like tht, that FAG probably gets beat up all the time because of his sexuality and the fact tht he still stands tall shows he has more heart than u, and that girl that everyone calls UGLY probably has low self esteem issues and u are just another pile on.....so who's the ugly one now? Think before u act ppl
-J.C

:) im happy talking to her because she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and even though we not together, she still feels like I'm her boyfriend. She will forever be my Bambi :) nd its 2:00am lmao i really have a problem if im up talking to her, but hey i know im tlkin to myself here but i love her and always will lml

Goodbye 2012

When i think about it, i've hated myself for alot of things. Things that weren't even my fault. Throughout the year of 2012 i have been through many things. Many heartbreaks, been through getting cheated on, disrespected, lied to, but through it all i have come out on top nd still manage to be proud of myself and look at my future in a bright way. So yeah i will kinda miss 2012 because it was a yr where i matured the most and i learned alot of things the hard way. So goodbye 2012 i gladly welcome in a new yr and a fresh start.

My feelings tend to over power me and i blurt out how i feel alot. I just need to stop doing that because all that happens is i end up hurt in the end. Failure isn't falling down, it's not having the will to get back up.
-J.C

Whenever i think of her i smile and wish the best for her. If it isn't with me than so be it. But i will always be around until she tells mii she doesn't want me around anymore

Life

Let there be a point in time where you look back and smile, don't have it so you always look back and frown

The Decision

What Do I Do Now?
Do I walk away
Or stand my ground?

Do I look at the past
With joy in my face?
Or think about everything
In utter disgrace?

Do I dream upon better
Days to come?
Or do I let the feeling
Make my body go numb?

Do I go in search
Of another I do not want?
Or do I let them search
And find, and flaunt?

Do I become the phase
Fading out?
Or become the bright
Colors that shout

What do I do now
That my course has changed?
What do i do now
That my life is no longer the same?

Relationships

When all you think about is her and she is all you want but it seems like u aren't all SHE wants but she tells u she loves you, how are you suppose to feel?